A Lesson on Forgiveness

I’ve never particularly had a problem forgiving other people. I find the negativity of disliking people exhausting and only more exhausting is the continuous effort involved in holding grudges. However, when I mess up, it’s a different story. I find it very difficult to forgive myself. Instead of clinging to God’s grace, I work tirelessly to convince myself that God is going to withhold blessings or punish me in some manner. Consequently, I end up feeling unworthy to come before God, rather than acknowledging that I too, am in need of a Savior. Recently, I read “Every Woman’s Battle” by Shannon Ethridge in which the author offered these sobering words:

“Do you know what you are saying about the blood that Jesus shed for you when you refuse to forgive yourself for your past? You are saying that His blood wasn’t good enough for you. It didn’t have enough power to cleanse you.”

Wow. I had never thought about it this way. I always imagined God feeling better that I couldn’t forgive myself, and hopefully having pity on me. I imagined His thinking, “She’s too hard on herself.” Rather, I’ve come to realize that I am insulting my Heavenly Father by imagining He is not big enough to wash me clean. Ethridge went on to illustrate Jesus opening a prison door and allowing the prisoner the choice to walk out. He offers forgiveness to all who are bound by the chains of sin. However, each must choose to accept freedom for themselves.

In a society where almost nothing is free, it’s hard to accept this gift without feeling the need for repayment. I usually promise future good deeds. But this week, I’m going to make a change. I’m not setting myself up for failure by expecting a total transformation of my old ways, but I’m making a small step in the hope that with each step, I get closer to a new me. This week, I will bring my sins immediately to Christ and ask forgiveness, rather than wallowing in shame. I will remind myself daily that “righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus” (Romans 3:22-24). This week I will not offer God my miserably inadequate works in exchange for forgiveness, but will attempt to accept it both freely and gratefully.